Today has sucked so horribly. I've only just gotten home from the ER visit with B. In the car, he suddenly dislocated his shoulder and off to the hospital we had to go. He was sedated and I watched as they popped it right back in. There were X-rays and lots of fun needle stuff. What sucks is that he's probably going to have to go into surgery for it. That means some hard times ahead of us. Healing time and work do not go together.
On top of that, my mother called me from the hospital tonight. Apparently she was admitted yesterday for sever pneumonia and heart troubles. No one called me until today. She's probably going to have to go into Open heart surgery tomorrow/today. I'm just so worried I'm going to lose her and I'm not going to be around. I'm not going to be able to say goodbye.
This is all just affecting me because of two years ago when she had her first heart attack and they gave her a month to live. Sure, she's live longer than a month but she's wearing herself down. I'm so tired of crying and I'm so worn down. I just feel empty.
Go hug your mother.
theodraxin
2006 gone and passed.
Tags: 
friends and family
friends and familyWhew...what a year.
I sit here thinking, "Where in lords name do I start?". I know, you guys are saying "Well duh! At the beginning of the year? Well, sure, yeah that would work but it doesn't quite encompass all of my year. Entirely I would probably have to go back to last summer when I started talking to Aaron over the internet, found out I was screwed in going back to school, all of the fighting I did with my father, and my sever depression over myself and losing Colin. But things worked out at least briefly for that semester. I managed to get back into the dorms in Vegas, I renewed a friendship I thought I had messed up with D, met probably one of my best roommates ever, and came to a shitload of revelations. But we'll fast forward slightly...
So last December, I laid in a stupor. Not only had I had a crappy year so far, things definitely weren't looking up. I found out in some incredible feat of a failure, I had failed everything except for one class. That went over fantastically with my family...*eyeroll*. On top of that, the depression, suicidal thoughts, and drinking problem I had developed and went to seek help for, I was no longer able to get that help. Getting kicked out of school kind of does that. So when 2006 rolled around, I was almost about as low as I could get. Well except for Aaron. I had been fighting/not talking to a lot of my friends at the time and he was one of the few people who kept me even slightly happy.
January was rung in with my mother and a fight with Colin. Soon I made plans with Cristyn and Troy for them to take me in, and for me to fly back the first day of school to get my stuff and leave. Leaving was hard. Not only was it taxing but I had to leave Vegas, a place I had come to view as home. All of my friends there...I still miss them...I still wish I could have stayed. But my things were packed and I couldn't wiggle my way out of it. Cristyn and Troy took me and my stuff all the way back up to Washoe and there...I went into another depression with very few plans to look forward to. But being with Cristyn was great and I still missing living with her. She was always someone I could talk to.
All of this time, I was still with Aaron and I really believed I found something good. Someone good. And with February, brought his family tragity. I cried when I heard the pain in Aaron's voice when he told me his father passed. I had met his father once, but he's seriously a man you could never forget. You could see he loved his children and he was one of the smartest men I've ever met. And that was only after spending a week with him and Aaron. I can't imagine what everyone went through for those who knew him. But I'm glad I got to meet him. So mid-February, I picked up my things yet again and moved to Indiana.
I liked Indiana. I was happy there mostly. Sure I didn't know a lot of people, but I got a job as a waitress and even though my boss sucked (He shorted me by like 200 dollars in the end!), I liked the job and met some cool people. Aaron's friends were awesome, going to Rocky Horror every second Saturday, and just being in Georgetown was very interesting to me. I felt at home there, and I've never really been able to feel that anywhere. Not even in my own home. There were pets, family, little nieces, friends, and a boyfriend there. For awhile, I thought I found everything I had needed there. A future even...
But alas, things do not always work out the way we would like them to. Sometimes, things are just out of our hands. I ended up leaving Aaron because even though my life there was pretty nice, Aaron and I weren't exactly. I was looking for a closeness that just wasn't there. Everyone could see it. The night before I was supposed to fly out, I didn't sleep. I cried mostly. And when the sun rose, I gathered my things and I left the future I had behind.
Back in Washoe with Cristyn and Troy, I fell back into a depression. I blamed Colin for everything (Cause, hello! He's the root of all my problems! *sarcasm*), I felt all sorts of horrible for the things that happened in Indiana, and just general hopelessness. From then on, life did a weird wave thing. I hated men, relationships in general, I hated sex...in fact it scared me for a bit. Everything, I hated. Cristyn gave me comfort but most of my healing I had to do on my own.
So in June I started school. Things between troy and I were already getting rocky as I could tell he didn't like me living there. But he and I made an agreement. I would do good and get through the summer semester. And I did just that. Somewhere in the time frame, I met Crystal's ex though they were on and off again. And despite my man hating ways, I still found myself having a crush on this guy. And even though we tried to be just friends...it didn't seem like life wanted it that way. So my summer session ended and I got good grades, I soon learned that Troy wanted me out and I had to find another place to live. Now, I was getting really sick of moving by this time. But here I was, looking at a studio for me a Moose (whom I love cause he's my big kitty of doom.)
I had a few offers, one of my best was to go live with Tim (which that idea was far better than where I ended up but Colin had to come back from therapy and just screw up all my plans *eyeroll*). But instead, I found a cheap studio and moved yet again while looking for a job and attending school. Oh yeah...you know where this one ended up! Failure again, boys and girls. Well at least where the school went. I ended up having to drop out come end of November because I just couldn't handle all of what was going and I wasn't passing anyhow. But I got a job after a month of searching and Brandon and I quickly started dating.
And after I dropped out, life was finally on the upswing. I had a boyfriend that was practically living with me, money was here there, and I had a roof over my head. Well compared to the last year, my 2006 ended well. After only three months of dating, Brandon and I moved in together (more convenient in so many ways...), I started working non-stop (that's the downside, not the money), and we got another cat, Nala. Christmas was spent with his family, something I was glad about since my own family sucks (Out of everyone in my mom's family, my millionaire aunt was the only one to get me a present. A calender.) But I got wonderful presents from my close family and from my friends. Over all, the last month of the year was the best out of it all.
And when 2006 struck to a close, I said farewell to it with a little bit of regret and a little bit of happiness.
May this one be better.
I sit here thinking, "Where in lords name do I start?". I know, you guys are saying "Well duh! At the beginning of the year? Well, sure, yeah that would work but it doesn't quite encompass all of my year. Entirely I would probably have to go back to last summer when I started talking to Aaron over the internet, found out I was screwed in going back to school, all of the fighting I did with my father, and my sever depression over myself and losing Colin. But things worked out at least briefly for that semester. I managed to get back into the dorms in Vegas, I renewed a friendship I thought I had messed up with D, met probably one of my best roommates ever, and came to a shitload of revelations. But we'll fast forward slightly...
So last December, I laid in a stupor. Not only had I had a crappy year so far, things definitely weren't looking up. I found out in some incredible feat of a failure, I had failed everything except for one class. That went over fantastically with my family...*eyeroll*. On top of that, the depression, suicidal thoughts, and drinking problem I had developed and went to seek help for, I was no longer able to get that help. Getting kicked out of school kind of does that. So when 2006 rolled around, I was almost about as low as I could get. Well except for Aaron. I had been fighting/not talking to a lot of my friends at the time and he was one of the few people who kept me even slightly happy.
January was rung in with my mother and a fight with Colin. Soon I made plans with Cristyn and Troy for them to take me in, and for me to fly back the first day of school to get my stuff and leave. Leaving was hard. Not only was it taxing but I had to leave Vegas, a place I had come to view as home. All of my friends there...I still miss them...I still wish I could have stayed. But my things were packed and I couldn't wiggle my way out of it. Cristyn and Troy took me and my stuff all the way back up to Washoe and there...I went into another depression with very few plans to look forward to. But being with Cristyn was great and I still missing living with her. She was always someone I could talk to.
All of this time, I was still with Aaron and I really believed I found something good. Someone good. And with February, brought his family tragity. I cried when I heard the pain in Aaron's voice when he told me his father passed. I had met his father once, but he's seriously a man you could never forget. You could see he loved his children and he was one of the smartest men I've ever met. And that was only after spending a week with him and Aaron. I can't imagine what everyone went through for those who knew him. But I'm glad I got to meet him. So mid-February, I picked up my things yet again and moved to Indiana.
I liked Indiana. I was happy there mostly. Sure I didn't know a lot of people, but I got a job as a waitress and even though my boss sucked (He shorted me by like 200 dollars in the end!), I liked the job and met some cool people. Aaron's friends were awesome, going to Rocky Horror every second Saturday, and just being in Georgetown was very interesting to me. I felt at home there, and I've never really been able to feel that anywhere. Not even in my own home. There were pets, family, little nieces, friends, and a boyfriend there. For awhile, I thought I found everything I had needed there. A future even...
But alas, things do not always work out the way we would like them to. Sometimes, things are just out of our hands. I ended up leaving Aaron because even though my life there was pretty nice, Aaron and I weren't exactly. I was looking for a closeness that just wasn't there. Everyone could see it. The night before I was supposed to fly out, I didn't sleep. I cried mostly. And when the sun rose, I gathered my things and I left the future I had behind.
Back in Washoe with Cristyn and Troy, I fell back into a depression. I blamed Colin for everything (Cause, hello! He's the root of all my problems! *sarcasm*), I felt all sorts of horrible for the things that happened in Indiana, and just general hopelessness. From then on, life did a weird wave thing. I hated men, relationships in general, I hated sex...in fact it scared me for a bit. Everything, I hated. Cristyn gave me comfort but most of my healing I had to do on my own.
So in June I started school. Things between troy and I were already getting rocky as I could tell he didn't like me living there. But he and I made an agreement. I would do good and get through the summer semester. And I did just that. Somewhere in the time frame, I met Crystal's ex though they were on and off again. And despite my man hating ways, I still found myself having a crush on this guy. And even though we tried to be just friends...it didn't seem like life wanted it that way. So my summer session ended and I got good grades, I soon learned that Troy wanted me out and I had to find another place to live. Now, I was getting really sick of moving by this time. But here I was, looking at a studio for me a Moose (whom I love cause he's my big kitty of doom.)
I had a few offers, one of my best was to go live with Tim (which that idea was far better than where I ended up but Colin had to come back from therapy and just screw up all my plans *eyeroll*). But instead, I found a cheap studio and moved yet again while looking for a job and attending school. Oh yeah...you know where this one ended up! Failure again, boys and girls. Well at least where the school went. I ended up having to drop out come end of November because I just couldn't handle all of what was going and I wasn't passing anyhow. But I got a job after a month of searching and Brandon and I quickly started dating.
And after I dropped out, life was finally on the upswing. I had a boyfriend that was practically living with me, money was here there, and I had a roof over my head. Well compared to the last year, my 2006 ended well. After only three months of dating, Brandon and I moved in together (more convenient in so many ways...), I started working non-stop (that's the downside, not the money), and we got another cat, Nala. Christmas was spent with his family, something I was glad about since my own family sucks (Out of everyone in my mom's family, my millionaire aunt was the only one to get me a present. A calender.) But I got wonderful presents from my close family and from my friends. Over all, the last month of the year was the best out of it all.
And when 2006 struck to a close, I said farewell to it with a little bit of regret and a little bit of happiness.
May this one be better.
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It's been awhile.
Tags: love you brandon move back
love you brandonmove back Last night I had some of the weirdest dreams ever consisting of a lot of strange people, my mother, and the most delectable cigarette ever. And Currently my other cat Nala is running around like mad. Moose is dead asleep on the couch and Brandon's at work.
Hell I don't even remember where I left this blog off. Hmmm maybe after I'll get my recap of 2006 and let you guys see it too. The holidays were here and there. I had a better time here than I would have in Cali. But still it was full of anxiousness and general unpleasantness. I just have bad holidays but Brandon tried his best to not make it seem that way.
Anyhow, towards the end of November, Brandon and I at three months decided to move in together. What can I say? I move quickly. But more than anything it was a move of convience for both of us. Save him money and give him a place to move into after he lost his place and I got to see him more and save a LOT of money. Which was really nice. Since living together, nothing much has changed. The times we do fight are over something stupid and we quickly make up. I love being able to sleep next to him in a big bed. I like how he watches me sleep and as weird as it sounds, I like being able to push him out of bed so he gets up and gets ready for work.
I've gotten him hooked on World of Warcraft and I'm back on too. It's a great stress reliever. RPing has taken a slight back seat but it's still going well.
I'm still having problems with me. I want to get fit, or more so but without a car, it makes it hard. I've recently had poor body image, like always. It's surpressing my drive, but Brandon is helping me out a lot. But somethings I have come to notice is that Brandon shows some similarities of Colin, which I think is bizaar. And I've noticed that I've come to some revelations as everything. I always thought that if I could have had a second chance with Colin, I would make it right, but seeing even the small similarities, I've come to understand I don't want a second chance with Colin. I'm so far done with him and that. It's makes me happy. Brandon, even though he shows the very small good things about Colin, he's a wonderful person. I love holding his hand while I sleep, or goofing around, making monkey faces to him, waving at him while he's waiting every night for me to get out of work, everything.
I think for once in my life, I am content in a relationship. Not just content, I'm happy.
Have you ever felt that every second you're with someone it doesn't feel like slow or anything, it feels like you've known them forever when you haven't? Yeah that's me everyday. B and I feel like we've had fate on our side.
Wow, talking about him just pepped me up. I think I found the one I'm going to end up with. I've closed the chapter on my life back then and a whole new book is open now. And I'm writing it.
Okay, I'm done for now, be back later.
Oh and I so forgot to mention that I'm buying a car and Brandon and I are going to see the Red Bull Tour of Chaos. Saosin, 30 seconds to mars, ect ect. It's going to be awesome.
Oh and that we're probably going to the My Chemical Romance concert because I love them and B loves all the bands that are opening.
P.S. I giggled madly over this. On my Suggested Tags, it brought up "Colin likes Moose" as a suggested tag. HA.
Hell I don't even remember where I left this blog off. Hmmm maybe after I'll get my recap of 2006 and let you guys see it too. The holidays were here and there. I had a better time here than I would have in Cali. But still it was full of anxiousness and general unpleasantness. I just have bad holidays but Brandon tried his best to not make it seem that way.
Anyhow, towards the end of November, Brandon and I at three months decided to move in together. What can I say? I move quickly. But more than anything it was a move of convience for both of us. Save him money and give him a place to move into after he lost his place and I got to see him more and save a LOT of money. Which was really nice. Since living together, nothing much has changed. The times we do fight are over something stupid and we quickly make up. I love being able to sleep next to him in a big bed. I like how he watches me sleep and as weird as it sounds, I like being able to push him out of bed so he gets up and gets ready for work.
I've gotten him hooked on World of Warcraft and I'm back on too. It's a great stress reliever. RPing has taken a slight back seat but it's still going well.
I'm still having problems with me. I want to get fit, or more so but without a car, it makes it hard. I've recently had poor body image, like always. It's surpressing my drive, but Brandon is helping me out a lot. But somethings I have come to notice is that Brandon shows some similarities of Colin, which I think is bizaar. And I've noticed that I've come to some revelations as everything. I always thought that if I could have had a second chance with Colin, I would make it right, but seeing even the small similarities, I've come to understand I don't want a second chance with Colin. I'm so far done with him and that. It's makes me happy. Brandon, even though he shows the very small good things about Colin, he's a wonderful person. I love holding his hand while I sleep, or goofing around, making monkey faces to him, waving at him while he's waiting every night for me to get out of work, everything.
I think for once in my life, I am content in a relationship. Not just content, I'm happy.
Have you ever felt that every second you're with someone it doesn't feel like slow or anything, it feels like you've known them forever when you haven't? Yeah that's me everyday. B and I feel like we've had fate on our side.
Wow, talking about him just pepped me up. I think I found the one I'm going to end up with. I've closed the chapter on my life back then and a whole new book is open now. And I'm writing it.
Okay, I'm done for now, be back later.
Oh and I so forgot to mention that I'm buying a car and Brandon and I are going to see the Red Bull Tour of Chaos. Saosin, 30 seconds to mars, ect ect. It's going to be awesome.
Oh and that we're probably going to the My Chemical Romance concert because I love them and B loves all the bands that are opening.
P.S. I giggled madly over this. On my Suggested Tags, it brought up "Colin likes Moose" as a suggested tag. HA.
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I watched the notebook today.
It made me look at some things and made it clear about how I feel about some people.
I still love Colin. I have for two years now. He was my first boyfriend and there was something about being with him that made me love him and want to be with him. I think one of the hardest things right now is that I believe somewhere inside of him, he still loves me. Or I want to believe he does. But then, I'm not really sure he ever really loved me.
I love Brandon. Brandon is a great guy though he can be a little bit overwhelming at times. But he makes me happy and treats me well. I know that when he says he loves me, he truely means it. I love him but I don't think it's as strong as when I loved Colin but the difference is...I can grow to love Brandon as much and much more. I can see myself getting old and having kids.
But then I think of Colin...and things seem wishy washy all over again.
I still love Colin. I have for two years now. He was my first boyfriend and there was something about being with him that made me love him and want to be with him. I think one of the hardest things right now is that I believe somewhere inside of him, he still loves me. Or I want to believe he does. But then, I'm not really sure he ever really loved me.
I love Brandon. Brandon is a great guy though he can be a little bit overwhelming at times. But he makes me happy and treats me well. I know that when he says he loves me, he truely means it. I love him but I don't think it's as strong as when I loved Colin but the difference is...I can grow to love Brandon as much and much more. I can see myself getting old and having kids.
But then I think of Colin...and things seem wishy washy all over again.
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geeky halloween costums
Best Geek Costumes for Halloween
Tue Oct 17, 2006 3:54AM EDT
See Comments (134)
Ghost? Zombie? Nixon? Man, these costumes are old news. This Halloween, why not dress up as something from the geek universe? Here's my picks this year for the scary, the provocative, and the outright absurd.
Sony Laptop Battery Pack - What you need: Rectangular piece of cardboard or foam, black paint, a lit cigarette (to simulate the smoking effect). Bonus points for carrying those little poppers that explode when you step on them.
Sony Rootkit-Infected CD - Large circle of cardboard covered in aluminum foil, evil laugh. (Just as scary as the battery.)
LonelyGirl15 (pictured) - What you need: T-shirt or tank top, pony tail scrunchy, tweezers (to pluck eyebrows immaculately), age-diminishing cream, Aliester Crowley books, feather boa, purple monkey puppet, general sense of rebellion and ennui about life.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs - Black turtleneck, blue jeans, iPod, glasses, smug grin.
Firefox - What you need: Fox outfit, lighter fluid, match, sense of irony, fireproofness, legion of geek followers.
The TRON Guy - Awesome TRON bodysuit, pot belly, no sense of shame.
Former HP Chairman of the Board Patricia Dunn - Liza Minnelli haircut, expensive women's suit, reporter's telephone records that you have no idea how you got, pink slip.
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